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自己译的《The last goodbye 》,各位大神指点指点

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I saw the light fade from the sky
吾见暮星,黯然无光.
On the wind I heard a sigh.
哀彻长风,吾心憯惶.
As these snow flakes cover my fallen brothers,
泪雨瀌瀌,旗旐央央.
I will say this last goodbye.
漫天飞雪,与汝为裳.
Night is now falling, so ends this day.
长夜已至,微光不复.
The road is now calling, and I must away.
锋镝唤我,前路漫长.
Over hill and under tree,
彻阪,越隰,穿行林霁.
through lands will never light has shone,
道湮,蜮行,星泣不明。
by silver streams that run down to the sea.
舟行银光河,奔流向大海
(壮哉! 而汝之英灵已不复)
Under cloud beneath the stars,
曾记否,阿尔达之面纱轻拂?
over snow and winter sown,
层云霜旦,粲然星出.
I turn at last to paths that lead home.
浓云叆叇,泪洒归途
And though where the road that takes me
大纛挥舞,僵立河垺.
I cannot tell.
前路不明,涕下无言以复.
We came all this way
昔我往矣,与汝迈之
but now comes the day
to bid you farewell.
吾友,别兮!
Many places I have been.
城齑兵燹淡然兮,
Many sorrow I have seen.
梦回旌旆览幽谷
But I don't regret,
与汝同行无悔意
nor will I forget
嗟行孤山渡长湖.
all who took that road with me.
幸哉!而汝之英灵已不复.
Night is now falling, so ends this day.
庭燎已熸,微光不复
The road is now calling, and I must away.
爟烽未熄,前路漫长.
Over hill and under tree,
彻阪,越隰,穿行林霁.
through lands will never light has shone,
道湮,蜮行,星泣不明
by silver streams that run down to the sea.
舟行银光河,奔流向大海
(壮哉! 而汝之英灵已不复)
To these memories I will hold,
一切于心,吾将永铭
with your blessing I will go
因汝言吾将逐日西行
to turn at last to paths that lead home.
回望故土,白帆有舄,海鸥翔集
And though where the road that takes me,
舟行笔直,船离中土
I cannottell.
前路不明,涕下无言以复.
We came all this way
昔我往矣,与汝迈之
but now comes this day
今我来思,睘睘蹐之
to bid you farewell.
吾友,别兮!
I bid you all a very fond farewell.
噫吁嚱!吾友,珍重,别兮!


IP属地:北京1楼2015-05-03 11:45回复
    好棒。有些字不认识


    IP属地:北京来自Android客户端2楼2015-05-03 11:56
    回复


      IP属地:上海来自Android客户端3楼2015-05-03 11:57
      回复
        甚好,甚好。。


        来自Android客户端4楼2015-05-03 12:10
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          有些字不认识+1。。


          IP属地:湖北来自iPhone客户端5楼2015-05-03 12:40
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            有些字不认识+2


            来自Android客户端6楼2015-05-03 12:42
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              古风极好的


              来自Android客户端7楼2015-05-03 12:42
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                古风甚好


                来自手机贴吧8楼2015-05-03 12:56
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                  能不能给注个汉语拼音啊大神


                  IP属地:北京来自Android客户端9楼2015-05-03 12:57
                  收起回复


                    IP属地:北京10楼2015-05-03 13:01
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                      有点古风了,个人比较喜欢现代诗类型的翻译。


                      IP属地:北京来自Android客户端11楼2015-05-03 13:33
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                        呵呵


                        IP属地:北京12楼2015-05-03 15:53
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                          看了这些字我开始怀疑起我的母语水平...


                          来自Android客户端13楼2015-05-03 22:38
                          回复
                            甚好…


                            来自Android客户端14楼2015-05-04 14:48
                            回复


                              IP属地:北京15楼2015-05-05 18:30
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